Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS - CELTIC v I PRESUME?
Part 1:
"This is wur official briefing fur wur Scottish Fitba and Boolin'
Association investigation intae the antics of pure fenian upstart
Broon, the appointed club captain ay THEM.
We, the aforementioned honourable brothers, and wan token compliance
cow - who dis whit she's telt, I assure yeez, brithers - huv come tae
the conclusion with wur backgrounds of dignified protestant education
and Boy's Brigade sexual awakenings that aforesaid Gypo Jesus -
Broon of THEM - will face the full wrath of a COMMITTEE!
The abhorrent Captain of Catholicism wull answer tae time-honoured
Scottish justice for his heinous psychological crimes upon the delicate
balanced constitutions of members of the Queen's eleven. Which resulted,
as has been well publicised, in wideranging trauma amongst ragin' Bears
everywhere. Hashtag #WurToo for victim reports via social
media."
Leaked SFA memo.
"Hitler, responsible for the extermination of millions. Stalin, responsible
for the execution of millions. Join us on the History Channel as Charles Green
presents Scott Brown Week - a figure responsible for the emotional distress of
500 million sensitive bigots. We reveal the untold story of the man behind
the Horror of the Huns." "
"Does Adrian Durham have AIDS? Did Adrian Durham cross-dress at parties and
sexually assualt an underage student during his Glasgow university days?
Does Adrian Durham have a fetish for interracial midget bestiality porn, exposed
when his laptop was hacked? These things are hearsay but when I heard them - well,
read them online - I kind of thought, I'd better phone somebody about them."
A Spurs fan.
BANE - 8/10
Enormously perturbed about the skipper becoming a bigger
supervillain than him. Performed admirably - particularly excellent tip-over
from bizarrely-titled alien/predator/sheep/Walking Dead Kingdom king hybrid
Dolly Menga strike in first-half.
Great reading of game - well out of his box, in a non-junkie sense - halfway-line,
in fact - second half to quell a break. The bhoy's switched-on and deserves
his jersey.
BENNY KOVAC - 6.5/10
Had to leave early with Starsky and Hutch to solve a murder at 'The Pits' -
Huggy Bear's club, renamed - very like the Huns actually- due to
'accounting problems'.
Anyway, before the big guy quit he provided a surprise inclusion and performed
solidly - only question I had was his commitment to attacking corners at either
end; a few occassions it looked like he was protecting himself.
KT - 7.5/10
Remarkable energy and marauding enterprise from THE Tim of the future.
The bhoy's been blighted by injury but plays like someone called a random fan
number and offered the jersey for the day.
Was another in there with a chance to win it but that's not his job - he
performed that consummately well.
AJER - 7.5/10
The Praetorian Guard. Established hero with a drive and more guile than his
statuesque appearance indicates. Like the Collossus of Rhodes, he can stride
over the Parkhead pitch in no less than four steps. Today, he was again taking
responsibility and pushing for victory whilst keeping the door closed.
JOZO- 6.5/10
To me, the Gulag enforcer still doesn't look totally fit - and I mean 100%
focussed as well as physically. Early lapse gifted them a chance but he resumed
full Jozo as the game went on- still the best defensive partner for big Kris.
I maintain he's the best natural defender we've had since VVD and plays at
his best in the biggest of games. We need him, whatever the Football Manager
PC afficionados might claim - Jozo and Kris are a far better defensive partnership
than Dedryck and A.N.Other.
And, by the way, big D will soon rock up in the Kit-Kat Club with the leather
fetish gear on, cuckolding some Berlin gangster's durty missus and that's the
last we'll hear of him...
BROON - 8/10 MOTM
'Not acting in the bests interests of masonic football'. Again.
Leading a Celtic team towards EIGHT in a row. And how lucky were we that
the focus of Hun attention has the strongest psyche in the scottish game? -
because HIS focus was on it from the first whistle - unlike others as we
conceded a corner then relied on BROON's heid to save the jerseys with what
is actually a fantastic defensive block; stopped a certaintly.
And the rest of the game played out the Broon way as it has all season -
controlled, clinical and indefatigable. Thank God the captain found his mojo
and led the title surge, because he's more or less been the only truly
consistent performer.
But, of course, in the boolin' and golf clubs and workplaces of the land he's the
boogey man. He's the undesirable according to the the Hun inadequates. He's the
shadow on their x-rays, the anomaly in their empirical matrix, the woman they
loved who ran off with the stud with the big boaby.
They hate and loathe him with an unfathomable depth; even the educated Huns
cannot understand their own revulsion. It is a dark thing in their bellies
fermenting through lives led wallowing in institutionalised bigotry and racism.
It is why they founder on the rocks beyond the shores of their own wee blighted
island, both physically and mentally, it is why they disengage from reality to the
great amusement of others when conflict with all things Hooped arises.
It is why we need him here for TEN. It completes the circle like the Hadron Collider
opening a gateway to a higher dimenson; we level up, their version of humanity crumples
and folds and is swallowed by the black hole of hate they created by their own savage
anal retentiveness. Or 'dignity', as they prefer...
continued in PART 2, near you...
Part 1:
"This is wur official briefing fur wur Scottish Fitba and Boolin'
Association investigation intae the antics of pure fenian upstart
Broon, the appointed club captain ay THEM.
We, the aforementioned honourable brothers, and wan token compliance
cow - who dis whit she's telt, I assure yeez, brithers - huv come tae
the conclusion with wur backgrounds of dignified protestant education
and Boy's Brigade sexual awakenings that aforesaid Gypo Jesus -
Broon of THEM - will face the full wrath of a COMMITTEE!
The abhorrent Captain of Catholicism wull answer tae time-honoured
Scottish justice for his heinous psychological crimes upon the delicate
balanced constitutions of members of the Queen's eleven. Which resulted,
as has been well publicised, in wideranging trauma amongst ragin' Bears
everywhere. Hashtag #WurToo for victim reports via social
media."
Leaked SFA memo.
"Hitler, responsible for the extermination of millions. Stalin, responsible
for the execution of millions. Join us on the History Channel as Charles Green
presents Scott Brown Week - a figure responsible for the emotional distress of
500 million sensitive bigots. We reveal the untold story of the man behind
the Horror of the Huns." "
"Does Adrian Durham have AIDS? Did Adrian Durham cross-dress at parties and
sexually assualt an underage student during his Glasgow university days?
Does Adrian Durham have a fetish for interracial midget bestiality porn, exposed
when his laptop was hacked? These things are hearsay but when I heard them - well,
read them online - I kind of thought, I'd better phone somebody about them."
A Spurs fan.
BANE - 8/10
Enormously perturbed about the skipper becoming a bigger
supervillain than him. Performed admirably - particularly excellent tip-over
from bizarrely-titled alien/predator/sheep/Walking Dead Kingdom king hybrid
Dolly Menga strike in first-half.
Great reading of game - well out of his box, in a non-junkie sense - halfway-line,
in fact - second half to quell a break. The bhoy's switched-on and deserves
his jersey.
BENNY KOVAC - 6.5/10
Had to leave early with Starsky and Hutch to solve a murder at 'The Pits' -
Huggy Bear's club, renamed - very like the Huns actually- due to
'accounting problems'.
Anyway, before the big guy quit he provided a surprise inclusion and performed
solidly - only question I had was his commitment to attacking corners at either
end; a few occassions it looked like he was protecting himself.
KT - 7.5/10
Remarkable energy and marauding enterprise from THE Tim of the future.
The bhoy's been blighted by injury but plays like someone called a random fan
number and offered the jersey for the day.
Was another in there with a chance to win it but that's not his job - he
performed that consummately well.
AJER - 7.5/10
The Praetorian Guard. Established hero with a drive and more guile than his
statuesque appearance indicates. Like the Collossus of Rhodes, he can stride
over the Parkhead pitch in no less than four steps. Today, he was again taking
responsibility and pushing for victory whilst keeping the door closed.
JOZO- 6.5/10
To me, the Gulag enforcer still doesn't look totally fit - and I mean 100%
focussed as well as physically. Early lapse gifted them a chance but he resumed
full Jozo as the game went on- still the best defensive partner for big Kris.
I maintain he's the best natural defender we've had since VVD and plays at
his best in the biggest of games. We need him, whatever the Football Manager
PC afficionados might claim - Jozo and Kris are a far better defensive partnership
than Dedryck and A.N.Other.
And, by the way, big D will soon rock up in the Kit-Kat Club with the leather
fetish gear on, cuckolding some Berlin gangster's durty missus and that's the
last we'll hear of him...
BROON - 8/10 MOTM
'Not acting in the bests interests of masonic football'. Again.
Leading a Celtic team towards EIGHT in a row. And how lucky were we that
the focus of Hun attention has the strongest psyche in the scottish game? -
because HIS focus was on it from the first whistle - unlike others as we
conceded a corner then relied on BROON's heid to save the jerseys with what
is actually a fantastic defensive block; stopped a certaintly.
And the rest of the game played out the Broon way as it has all season -
controlled, clinical and indefatigable. Thank God the captain found his mojo
and led the title surge, because he's more or less been the only truly
consistent performer.
But, of course, in the boolin' and golf clubs and workplaces of the land he's the
boogey man. He's the undesirable according to the the Hun inadequates. He's the
shadow on their x-rays, the anomaly in their empirical matrix, the woman they
loved who ran off with the stud with the big boaby.
They hate and loathe him with an unfathomable depth; even the educated Huns
cannot understand their own revulsion. It is a dark thing in their bellies
fermenting through lives led wallowing in institutionalised bigotry and racism.
It is why they founder on the rocks beyond the shores of their own wee blighted
island, both physically and mentally, it is why they disengage from reality to the
great amusement of others when conflict with all things Hooped arises.
It is why we need him here for TEN. It completes the circle like the Hadron Collider
opening a gateway to a higher dimenson; we level up, their version of humanity crumples
and folds and is swallowed by the black hole of hate they created by their own savage
anal retentiveness. Or 'dignity', as they prefer...
continued in PART 2, near you...
